T i n a ' s T i t i l l a t i n g T i p s
for woman

Be careful using these tips. They are liberating. They will not only bring you, as a woman, increased health, happiness, and pleasure but also great power and influence in your community. See if you can't go out and civilize the race of men.

  1. Avoid pleasure seeking in the harsh light of the direct sun and halogen lamps as pupil dilation is crucial for textured and robust orgasms. Moonlight and whatever else may simulate it are ideal conditions under which to ply your wares on the fairer sex.

  2. Masturbation is a metaphor for life. If you can't please yourself, no one will.

  3. If you've never purred, growled, barked, howled, hooted, squealed, ribbitted, roared, whinnied, griffied, neighed, oinked, shimmy-shacked, honked, squawked, fiddle-eye-feed, or otherwise made like an animal in the boudoir,do so at your earliest convenience.

  4. Your body comes equipped with the ideal scent, so stop wasting money on expensive perfumes. Dip your fingers where you know you can find it and cover them with the lusty musk. Then dab it behind your ears, between your breasts, and on your wrists. "A little dab will do ya."

  5. Remind the men in your life that you want and enjoy sex — initiate sex play often.

  6. Before amorous play, always evacuate your bowels. If you're lucky, he'll be going up that way. Anal sex at the exclusion of vaginal sex may be wise during ovulation anyway, but in any case, for hygiene make him worship your temple of Venus before your temple of Sodom.

  7. Know the difference between fellatio and irrumation. Partake in both. Need I say that while so partaking, to soul gaze into your partner's eyes, thank your lucky stars at the end of his crisis, and swallow heartily.

  8. Have sex throughout pregnancy so long as it doesn't cause pain or discomfort. The fetus will benefit from your pleasure as will you.

  9. Nature, in her infinite wisdom, designed breastfeeding to be sexually gratifying for you by releasing salubrious juices into your recently traumatized birth canal. Do not feel guilty or dirty when this happens.

  10. Allow the men in your life to enjoy the nectar of your lactating mammaries. For them it is manna.

  11. A more or less elegant hairstyle, a more or less costly gown, none of that furthers happiness; but frequent, extensive, and intensivefucking works wonders therefor. However, for long bouts, experiment with sexual abstinence and then return to it with a renewed vigor when and as you must.

  12. Nature did not invite you to become the captive of a single man since she gave you power enough to drain the balls of four or five men in a row.

  13. Know how to succeed and how to suck eggs.

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