Taoism                  Shit happens.
Confucianism            Confucius say, "Shit Happens."
Calvinism               Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Buddhism                If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Seventh Day Adventist   No shit happens on Saturdays.
Zen                     What is the sound of shit happening?
Hedonism                There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism                This shit happened before.
Mormon                  This shit is going to happen again.
Islam                   If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Moonies                 Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism                This shit is good for me.
Protestantism           Let the shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism             Shit happens because you are BAD.
Hare Krishna            Shit happens rama rama.
Judaism                 Why does this shit always happens to US?
Zoroastrianism          Shit happens half the time.
Christian Science       Shit is in your mind.
Atheism                 Sheeit.
Existentialism          What is shit anyway?
Rastafarianism          Let's smoke this shit.

                                            Author Anonymous

     Addendum to Short Guide to Comparative Religions

Episcopalians              No shit! (anybody bring prunes?)
Calvinism                  By preordination this shit hath come to pass
Quakers                    (                             ) s**t
Scott Paper Co.            Aaah