Graduate School(tm): The Game

Hey kids, check out the cool new game that's sweeping the nation! Be the first on your block to own a copy of Graduate School(tm): The Game from TenureCo, the makers of such classics as Rush Hour Madness, My First Blue Book Exam, Little Lawyer, and Johnny Tax Auditor.

With Graduate School(tm): The Game you can experience all the fun and realism of grad school in the comfort of your own home. Every nuance of the real graduate experience is reproduced in this game. The game takes you through the whole process:

Application
acceptance
classwork
research
data analysis
psychoanalysis
authorship battles
boring talks
confusing talks
long talks
uncomprehensible talks
Depression
Social Isolation
Job Hunting

And so much more!

Call all your friends over for years of wholesome fun. Check out these great features of Graduate School(tm): The Game.

* Choose Your Own Character

You have your choice of a wide variety of characters:

Jill: the emotionally unstable ABD
Fred: the naive first-year
Harold: the overwhelmed and under-funded RA
Laura: the disgruntled TA
Jaques: the exploited international student
Backstabbing Caroline: the political opportunist

And many, many more...

* Confront a Wide Array of Interesting Opponents

Throughout your quests in strange and exotic lands you will encounter people who apparently receive great joy at your misfortune, in fact they are a major cause of this misfortune:

Administress: the evil secretary with her dreaded red tape
Prof. Rewrite: if he gets on your committee you're doomed
Metoo: A fellow grad student who becomes a dead weight on all your projects
Ronny: The smelly undergrad RA who scares all your subjects away
Partytime Pamela: Invites you to time wasting parties every other night
Prof. Touchy-Feely: A sexual harrassment case waiting to happen
Rod Starr: Super Grad Student, makes you look bad by graduating in 12 days
Susan Stickyfingers: Your kleptomaniac officemate

Along with dozens of others!

* Real Life Challenges

Pick a Setback Card and see what fun adventures await you:

Join a Committee: Research slows down 1/2
Videogame attack: Lose 12 turns playing Snood
One More Analysis: Repeat all previous analyses
Dissertation Scooped: Go back to "new candidate" status
Get Drunk at a Conference: Spin the Faculty Insult Wheel for your penalty
Advisor Retires/Moves/Changes Interests: Start over
Car Towed: Sell your stereo to get it out of hock, lose motivation

To name a few...

* Different Ways to Finish!

Most games are boring. They have a "winner" and a bunch of "losers." The goal of Graduate School(tm): The Game; is different. There are no winners in grad school, only survivors and failures. Your goal is to be a survivor, that means different things to different people. There are a wide range of ways to survive:

Go to law school: Successfully escape
Marry rich: Don't worry anymore
Find God: Science is for fools
Family: Change your priorities
Capitalize on one of your ideas and make millions: Ah, engineering...
Graduate: ???

Graduate School(tm): The Game -- Look for it in stores near you!