How do you know if you're in love, lust, or marriage?
           
          
          LOVE       when your eyes meet across a crowded room
          LUST       when your tongues meet across a crowded room
          MARRIAGE   when your belt won't meet around your waist, and
                     you don't care
          
          LOVE       when intercourse is called making love
          LUST       all other times
          MARRIAGE   what's intercourse?
          
          LOVE       when you argue over how many children to have
          LUST       when you argue over who gets the wet spot
          MARRIAGE   when you argue over money
          
          LOVE       when you share everything you own
          LUST       when you think twice about giving your partner
                     bus money
          MARRIAGE   when the bank owns everything
          
          LOVE       when it doesn't matter if you don't climax
          LUST       when the relationship is over of you don't climax
          MARRIAGE   what's a climax?
          
          LOVE       when you phone each other just to say "Gidday"
          LUST       when you phone each other just to organise sex
          MARRIAGE   when you phone each other to find out what time your 
                     son's game starts
          
          LOVE       when you write poems about your partner
          LUST       when all you write is your phone number
          MARRIAGE   when all you write is cheque's
          
          LOVE       when you show concern for your partners' feelings
          LUST       when you couldn't give a shit
          MARRIAGE   when your only concern is what's on TV
          
          LOVE       when your farewell is "I love you darling"
          LUST       when your farewell is "So, same time next week?"
          MARRIAGE   when your farewell is silent
          
          LOVE       when you are proud to be seen in public with your 
                     partner
          LUST       when you only ever see each other in the bedroom
          MARRIAGE   when you never see each other awake
          
          LOVE       when your heart flutters everytime you see them
          LUST       when your groin twitches everytime you see them
          MARRIAGE   when your wallet empties everytime you see them
          
          LOVE       when nobody else matters
          LUST       when nobody else knows
          MARRIAGE   when everybody else matters and you don't care who 
                     knows
          
          LOVE       when all the songs on the radio describe exactly how 
                     you feel
          LUST       when it's just the same mushy old shit
          MARRIAGE   when you never listen to music
          
          LOVE       when breaking up is something you try not to think 
                     about
          LUST       when staying together is something you try not to 
                     think about
          MARRIAGE   when just getting through today is your only thought
          
          LOVE       when you're interested in everything your partner 
                     does
          LUST       when you're only interested in one thing
          MARRIAGE   when you're not interested in what your partner does 
                     and the one thing you're interested in is your golf
                     score