||You get a threatening note made up of letters out of a
magazine with pinking shears, and theyre all the same
size, the same font, and precisely lined up in razor-
||That tell-tale lemon slice in the dogs water bowl.
||On her show she makes a gingerbread house that looks
exactly like your split-level, right down to the fallen-
over licorice downspout and the stuck half-open graham
cracker garage door.
||You find your pet bunny on the stove in an exquisite
tarragon, rose petal and saffron demi-glace, with pecan-
crusted hearts of palm and a delicate mint-fennel sauce.
||The unmistakeable aroma of potpourri follows you even
after you leave the bathroom.
||You discover that every napkin in the entire house has
been folded into a swan.
||No matter where you eat, your place setting always
includes an oyster fork.
||Twice this week you've been the victim of a drive-by
||You wake up in the hospital with a concussion and endive
stuffing in every orifice.
|and, the Number 1 Sign Youre Being Stalked by
|| You awaken one morning with a glue gun pointed squarely at