At gas eateries through the nation: Eat here and get gas.

    In a New Hampshire jewelry store: Ears pierced while you wait.

    On the wall of a Baltimore estate: Trespassers will be prosecuted
    to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy

    On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: 38 years on the
    same spot.

    In a Los Angeles dance hall: Good clean dancing every night but
    Sunday.

    In a Florida maternity ward: No children allowed.

    On a New Hampshire medical building: Martin Diabetes Professional
    Ass.

    In the offices of a loan company: Ask about our plans for owning
    your home.

    In a New York medical building: Mental Health Prevention Center

    In a toy department: Five Santa Clauses -- No waiting!

    On a New York convalescent home: For the sick and tired of the
    Episcopal Church.

    On a Maine shop: Our motto is to give our customers the lowest
    possible prices and workmanship.

    At a number of military bases: Restricted to unauthorized
    personnel.

    On a display of "I love you only" valentine cards: Now available
    in multi-packs.

    In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: Don't kill your wife.
    Let our washing machine do the dirty work.

    In a funeral parlor: Ask about our layaway plan.

    In a clothing store: Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17
    necks.

    In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: 15 men's wool suits,
    $10. They won't last an hour!

    On a shopping mall marquee: Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced

    Outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.

    On a Pennsylvania highway: Drive carefully. Auto accidents kill
    most people 15 to 19.

    In downtown Boston: Calahan Tunnel -- No end

    In the window of an Oregon store: Why go elsewhere and be cheated
    when you can come here?

    In a Maine restaurant: Open 7 days a week and weekends.

    In a New Jersey restaurant: Open 11 AM to 11 PM midnight.

    In front of a New Hampshire restaurant: Now serving live lobsters.

    On a radiator repair garage: Best place to take a leak.

    On a movie marquee: Now playing: ADAM AND EVE with a cast of
    thousands!

    In the vestry of a New England church: Will the last person to
    leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.

    In a Pennsylvania cemetery: Persons are prohibited from picking
    flowers from any but their own graves.

    On a roller coaster: Watch your head.

    On the grounds of a public school: No tresspassing without
    permission.

    On a Tennessee highway: When this sign is under water, this road
    is impassable.